Changes in Life of a Naturalista

Wow, so much has happened since my last "hair" post. What I've come to realize is that my life as a naturalista includes how I make a living and how the challenges of my work affects my life.

I have gone into full-time practice and I'm actually enjoying the process of building my practice. Who would have thought that I would be doing a little bit of business and helping others in the process. What I have found is that my wins and losses with my hair and the wins and losses within my niche practice all affect my life, so why not blog about it all. I do have a separate blog solely for therapy - but the posts I write there are the same posts I post here for ease of my current readers on LOFANaturalista and my new readers on my therapy blog.

All in all, I think this is the best move as it will keep me close to my love of writing and sharing about all things in my life. So yes, hair posts, skin posts, therapy posts - they are all a part of my life - the Life of a Naturalista.

I'm so happy to share! And as usual muah & ciao for now.

The Art of Listening

There are times we talk and after we have finished, we realize that what we said fell on deaf ears. Here’s the issue, you talk too much. I’m certain that got your attention.

Yes, we talk too much. What we have to say is very important information. Yet, it is difficult for us to effectively communicate our thoughts if we are unable to listen. To have a conversation is to have an exchange of thoughts – thoughts that are understood by all parties involved. Therefore, it is important to stretch the listening muscle.

Here are a few ways to stretch your listening muscle:

1.      Reflective listening – capture something from what the speaker is saying and repeat it.
2.      Ask questions – questions can be used to provide clarity on what the speaker is attempting to communicate
3.      Summarize – provide quick and succinct summaries of what the speaker is saying to show you are engaged and understood
4.      Body language – nod your head and demonstrate an “open posture” (uncross arms and legs) to show that you are open to what the speaker is saying

These skills can help improve conversations and it may even save you time. You can reduce repeating yourself, reduce time arguing with someone who may already agree with you and you may have an opportunity to learn from the other speaker. 

So ask yourself in the midst of your next argument, “What is being accomplished here? How can this discussion be more productive.” See how asking these questions turn out for you.

Is your relationship unhealthy?

Identifying an unhealthy relationship may not be too difficult. Perhaps, the fact that you are reading this article is because you question the healthiness of a current relationship. This relationship can be a friendship, it can be a relationship between you and a family member/child(ren) or perhaps this relationship is a romantic relationship between you and your significant other. Regardless of the type of relationship there are tell-tale signs that the relationship is unhealthy.

Do you feel upset (sad, angry) when you think about the relationship and the person?

               Do you constantly worry about your inability to appease the person in the relationship?

                               Does the person make you feel apologetic for things you may have said or done to them? Or are you punished/shunned after making a mistake?

Are you afraid to be yourself around the person?

Do you get nervous/anxious when you think about spending time with the person?

Is the person verbally, sexually, emotionally, physically or spiritually abusive towards you?

If you have said yes to any of these questions, you may be in an unhealthy relationship. If you have answered yes to more than one of these questions, you will need to work your way out of that relationship.

The truth is that sometimes we are attracted to unhealthy relationships because it is what we have come to know and feel comfortable being around…at least some part of us. However, we can recognize that this behavior, after seeing the appropriate way other people treat their loved ones, is not appropriate and that we are surrounded by unhealthy relationships.

Maybe you may be the abuser in the relationship? How do you tell? If you do any of the things in the above questions to other people who you know care about you, then you may be the abuser and/or the cause of an unhealthy relationship.

We tell ourselves that the behavior is going to change or we can change our behavior. In reality, we need help to do so. Stepping away from an abusive relationship is very challenging and can be very harmful if not done with support and assistance. You can get connected to a therapist in your local area for support. If that is too much of a commitment for you, then perhaps online therapy or tele-therapy is a better route. Visit my website to schedule an appointment: https://linneawillis.icouch.me/. Must reside/possess physical address in Maryland or West Virginia.

If you are in an abusive relationship and need help, please call:

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

1-800-787-3224v(TTY for Deaf/Hard of Hearing)

Or live chat Now by clicking on this link: The National Domestic Violence Hotline

Sensitivity in Motherhood

Ever notice the many Facebook posts of women being pregnant or parents, family and friends fawning over the birth of their child and think, “What a beautiful thing!”

People spend countless hours broadcasting and sharing pictures of their baby’s first step or their child’s first day at Kindergarten or even their child’s first pee wee league game. While these pictures and posts can be very endearing, it is disheartening for those parents who may have lost a child to SUIDs or unable to carry/bear a child on their own. Some have spent thousands of dollars on pregnancy and the health of their children and yes, for some there is success, but what about those who fail?

CDC reported approximately 3,500 sleep-related deaths among US babies each year and this is just for SUIDs.

This number does not include the fail pregnancies of mothers who are not able to carry their baby/babies to full term nor does it include how many of those SUIDs are of mothers who had had failed pregnancies before.

Then, there are woman who are struggling with unwanted pregnancies or women who may have been raped and become pregnant and find difficulty with deciding if abortion is an option for them. Consider the woman who have had children and for one reason or another became pregnant and is not enthused about this current pregnancy and have to live with child-rearing or starting over in raising a child. Many of these mothers and possible fathers suffer with depression relating to pregnancy or complications of pregnancy.

There have been so many women in my circle who have had complications during their pregnancy, depression during pregnancy, postpartum depression, failed IVF treatment, miscarriages, abortions, child loss and being barren. So, before posting all the glorious and wonderful things your child have done, consider your audience. Consider your wording to your post. Be attentive to what you say to others because you may not know their stories. You may not know their trials. While these very people can be extremely supportive of your motherhood, be mindful of the pain they may experience. A little empathy goes a long way.

How I Found My Husband

It’s interesting to think that there is something about the way we operate, our behaviors that lead to us finding the person we marry or the reason we have not found a partner. The known tale is that people marry a person that is very similar to their parents. After all, why not?

Our parents are who we come to know for most of our lives and even as adults when we have physically separated ourselves from them, we cannot help but to find a replacement of our parents in our spouse or in a roommate or in someone who is plays a significant role in our lives.

Well, in my Monday morning run today, it dawned on me that without even trying, most of the men I dated, who I do not think had a lot in common with one another then, had one thing in common.

THEY ALL DROVE MERCEDES BENZ!

 How uncanny is that? Does that mean that I was somehow attracted to the thing that led to their car purchase? That would be faulty logic in so many ways, I cannot begin to number them because it will take too much time.

I know a lot of single men and woman have a checklist. Let me start by saying that having a BENZ WAS NOT on my checklist. It just worked out that way. I then took on a mission of inquiring about my daters vehicles before going on a date with them.

Just when I thought I had broken my trend, I realized that the next few daters were ALL CANCERS! I mean seriously? Can I get a break here? What is it about cancer men that drew me in to them, I have no idea. Then I recall my first love was a cancer. Granted, I am not into astrology and things of that nature, but something has to be said about the similarities these men possessed that drew me in. And no, my parents are neither cancers nor did they drive a Benz. We grew up in a very poor and humbled home. One I would say I am happy to have experienced.

I decided to just let prayer and my life experience do the picking and not weed out men because they drive a Benz. How about my husband when I re-met him, drove a BENZ and is a CANCER. Go figure! In addition to that, he is a blend of my parents, definitely more like my father – they even laugh the same, it’s very strange. However, I could not be happier that my heart AND my head loves my imperfect husband in all his great and not so great ways. He no longer drives a Benz. He got rid of it well before we got married, but if he buys another one, I would not be mad about it either.

In all, the love you find, the spouse you find, the partner you find is made up of your experiences and traits that you are attracted to. If there is a type of woman or man that you keep dating, it is because it is the type of person you are attracted to deep down. Hopefully, this works out to be a good fit for you.