How & Why I Pre-Poo

I am not a huge fan of wash day however it has to be done. I have found the best way to wash my hair to ease the process of detangling. As you may already know, I have Afro Fro hair which means that my hair curls tangle easily creating fairy knots and other knots that can rub up against the shaft of other hair and cause breakage. As I am on a journey to grow color treated hair to bra-strap length (because I love color), I need to follow the best course of action to maintain my length. Pre-pooing my hair allows my curls to relax which makes it easier to detangle. The pre-poo creates slip and slip allows the detangling process to be much more of a breeze. In case you are new to your natural curls, slip is the ease in which your hair can pass through your fingers due to product being added to your hair. In this case, the slip is created by the pre-poo applied. 

What’s my pre-poo formula? It’s simple: 

1 part water

1 part conditioner

A few drops of essential oil* 

*not necessary but I like to add if my hair has been in a protective style for weeks and needs to be refreshed

How to Apply pre-poo:

1.  Add the pre-poo formula into your hair with fingers from root to tip. 
2. Cover with a plastic cap
3. Keep in for 15 minutes  ( You can sit under the dryer on a low setting OR you can use your steamer) if you use the steamer, you will not need the plastic cap. You will need a towel/tee-shirt to keep your neck and clothing dry. 

Now that you have the formula, and how to apply it, let’s begin the pre-wash process. (BONUS!!!) Here’s what’s next:

1. Separate your hair into 4-10 sec. the thicker your curls, the more sections you should create. I started with 3 sections and separated each section further into 2, making 6 sections overall. I prefer using 8 sections. 
2. For each separated section, spray your pre-poo formula on the tips of your hair first, then spray at the roots and work the pre-poo down the hair shaft. Don’t be stingy! You want there to be a lot of slip. 
3. Toulse** each separated section. 
4. Use long wide tooth comb to detangle hair. If you are not able to comb through pretty easily after toulsing, add more pre-poo formula and toulse again. It’s really the pre-poo n toulsing that should do most of the detangling for you. Save your hair strands! And your scalp. When we pull and tug at our hair, we inadvertently pull the newer hair out of our scalps.  It’s normal to have older shedding hair come out during the detangling and styling of hair as the hair is old and will fall out anyway. Newer hair strands should not come out. Also, breakage occurs from pulling. So be gentle. (Protein treatments can reduce breakage - that’s for another blog post)
5. If you were unsuccessful with step 4, then attempt it again. 
6. Twist each section after successfully detangling and use clip to secure hair. 
7. Shampoo each section 2-3 times focusing on scalp. I repeat that often because I want clean hair and scalp. I like to pull on the section of hair I’m shampooing to reduce tangling at the roots while I thoroughly wash my scalp. Too much pulling can break hair, not even tension may still cause tangles at the root. Medium tension is perfect. :-) 
8. Condition each section. Hair should still be easy to slide your fingers through. ( if it’s not, repeat toulsing and detangle with long tooth comb)
9. Rinse thoroughly and apply leave-in as necessary
10. Style hair

** Toulse/ing is the method used to detangle hair. Use your finger tip to separate hair. Keep separating hair until the hair is separated throughout section from the root to the tip. For extremely tangled hair, apply pre-poo directly to tangled and use fingers to separate. Try not to use comb to detangle hair. If your hair is matted, you may need professional help. Our hair can loc easily if we style our hair without detangling efficiently. (I am not the founder of Toulsing. My new hairdresser: Ladosha Wright created this method and it works for me.)

I hope this information is helpful. It will take a little more time to use this regimen but what do you prefer to have? More time or more hair in your scalp? You’re welcome lol

Feel free to pop a comment or question below this post. If you would like a video demonstrating toulsing or any other processes described above, let me know. 

Thanks for reading! Follow me at @lofanaturalista or @LWCounsels on IG

Naturalista Travels (Part 3)

The big finale!

The final installation of posts re: my vacation is here. It's been about a month or so since returning from my vacation and I still want to go back.

Hey Y'all

I have not forgotten to post here this week. In fact, I have been busy writing and posting. The thing about writing blog posts and incorporating what I do (psychotherapy) is that it works on my Life of a Naturalista blog but in my professional world, noone wants to read about Max Hydration method, lol. So, much to my chagrin, I do have to separate the blogs.

So, here's the link to my therapy blog. All the great mental health posts, motivational and inspirational posts and advice column posts are on there. ALSO, in case you missed it, I've started a Holiday Sex Chronicle blog post series. Read up! www.therapisttalk.blogspot.com.

And yes, you can submit questions through comments or via email. Don't forget to follow me on IG @LWCOUNSELS

Max Hydration Method Part 1

Apparently, I have been doing alot so my posts tend to be long. Since I would rather not bore you to tears with my long posts. I split them up so the information is easily absorbed. 

Create Running Goals (Part 2)

Now that I have gotten to the point where I can run for 5 minutes straight at my own pace, I realized that I wanted to increase the distance I ran over time. I noticed that I would run for 45 minutes and not really feel winded or tired. l I would glare around the gym honestly just minding other people’s business. I would chuckle at inner jokes I made of various situations and then it hit me. Clearly, this run is not challenging enough because I am not even focused on my run at all. I am running as though this is just a way to pass the time. So I had to kick it up a notch. I needed to increase my distance over the same period of time which meant that I needed to increase my speed over a longer period of time. This is much different than running at 7.5 for 1 whole minute before slowing to a light jog at 3.5 or 4.0 (for me those were consider a very light jog).

So, this bred life into intervals! Oh yay! Sweet interval running. Interval running can be a mixture of uphill/downhill or flat terrain to the speed in which you run. My first interval running was a mixture of speed only. I followed this basic pattern:

1 minute – Walking/Warm-Up

30 secs – 9.0 running

1 minute – 5.0-6.0 running

Then 30sec @9.0 and 1 minute @ 5.0-6.0

I would continue to repeat until time elapsed showed 20 minutes.

Finally, I took a picture of my run to track my progress of the distance traveled during the 20 minutes of interval running. I repeated this process for another week. The reason for tracking is that at first when I started, I could not keep up with running the entire 30 secs at 9.0. or I would extend my minute 5.0-6.0 running for an additional few seconds because I felt winded. It was tough working my way up to fully doing these intervals as written above, but that was the goal set and I intended on achieving it.

In Part 1, I briefly mentioned conditioning. This is where conditioning really comes into play. I did this run so often that it became a part of my regular workout before I did strength training. I considered it the cardio portion of my workout. Workout day by workout day, it became easier. Guess what happened? I was back to minding everyone’s business at the gym. Watching the tv and laughing at jokes made – I truly enjoyed my time at the gym, which is not a bad thing, but it made me realize that I was no longer being challenged. This regimen had become too easy for me again. So, I had to mix it up. I’ll share more about how I mixed it up in an upcoming post.

If you have any questions about my personal running goals, feel free to email me @ lpcounselingsvcs@gmail.com. I’m more than happy to share!

Create Running Goals (Part 1)

Who hates to run? A lot of people. I have come to enjoy running. I used to run track and field in elementary. Yes, a time in my childhood when running was considered regular outside play. Today, those memories help to motivate me to keep running.

The need to run and not become weary or faint became an almost obsessive thought. How could people like Lance Armstrong and other athletes ride a bike or run for miles and make it look easy. Well, they condition themselves. All that was needed was to identify a small goal that could be accomplished. Initial goal: run at any speed for 5 minutes straight without stopping. Once that was met, I made note of the distance. From there, I wanted to increase the distance but not before I could run for 10 minutes at any ‘running pace’ without stopping. I also recorded distance there and compared the two results. I realized a few things during this process:

1.    I ate too recently before my workout and felt a little sick to my stomach. 

2.    I really don’t like running on a treadmill with no music.

3.    Running can be very boring.

4.    I must look pathetic running for a few minutes and feeling out of breath.

However, I was more motivated to reach my starter running goals. And though I was not running as fast as others were in the gym, I felt good to have accomplished a goal that I set. It was a first for me. Sometimes you think you may be able to do something or not but while doing it, you feel like giving up. Remember this: do not give up. This run is YOUR RUN. No one can take this away from you. You are the only person standing in your way. 

I remember repeatedly telling myself by marker 30 seconds in... ‘just keep moving. You can run for 30 more seconds and if you must, you can stop and start over.’

Encourage yourself and keep reading for more updates on my running goals and other lifestyle news. 

Mrs. Linneá Willis, LCPC, LPC

Intimacy in Marriage - Affection

‘Why don’t you guys get a room?!’ That’s a very typical cliche said to new lovers who cannot keep their hands off one another. But how sweet is it to yearn after someone that much that even others can see the deepness of your love. Affection can be tough to define and explain in a marriage. Affection can be shown as PDA (public displays of affection) through touching, kissing and hugging while in public. Others show affection in privacy through the same means. After being married for some time, affection can become less frequent but this is a mistake too often made. Lack of affection can lead to insecurities in the marriage, opens the door for affection to be given and received by people outside of the marriage and it can lead to physical distance in the home. In order to maintain this part of intimacy in your marriage, it is important to remember these (3) three things:

1.   Understand what type of affection your partner needs and wants in your marriage

2.   Make an effort to meet at the very least your partner’s affection needs

3.   Purposefully avoid the affection of others especially during moments when you are more vulnerable.

In my couples therapy sessions, I find it important to emphasize that no one will respect and honor your marriage more than you. You cannot expect people to see your ring or know that you are married and not make an attempt to interrupt the marriage. This is not to say that you cannot interact with anyone else besides your partner. That would not be healthy. However, the issue is to recognize that your marriage is important and it will be tested so be prepared for the tests to come. It’s not a matter of if your marriage will be tested. It’s a matter of when. Being affectionate in your marriage not only helps to ward off other people from infiltrating your marriage but affection helps in building true intimacy.

For Couples Check-Up sessions, email me at lpcounselingsvcs@gmail.com and visit my website at www.lpctservices.com for information on pre-engagement counseling, pre-marital counseling and marriage counseling.

Mrs. Linnea’ Willis, LCPC, LPC

Naturalista Travels (Part 2)

We traversed to our next destination. And passed this breathtaking view. In that moment, I remember thinking, I could live here. A simple life, blogging, taking walks, feeding ducks in the lake nearby, just seemed like the most relaxing place on earth. And I could have this for years to come. I did ask hubs if he would live her, to which he relied yes...if it's not too far from the city, where he would have to work.

We arrived at the train station and I looked back and had to take a picture because it reminded me of Chicago a little bit, not so much New York, but I watched as people bustled about it. Purchasing our tickets online was the best decision we could have made. I screenshot the tickets well before our flights so that I could access them should we not have WiFi, which we did not, so "Go Me!" for thinking through that.

We went to this American pub because they take USD, right? WRONG! Lol. The food was good and I was happy that my new-found houseware obsession was there. I must get these black stone plates. They are sooo pretty! From the Viaduc-des-Arts to the Bastille and all the typical sites in this region, I remained enamored by it's beauty and history.

From the chocolate factory where I had my fill of chocolate and the history of it to the La Seine river,  I had myself a ball! In all, this leg of the trip, including the visit to O'Natural was so great. I smiled all the time. I got ALL my steps in as we walked around the city. Very walkable city day/night. It's like a bigger and more popping NYC.

Things I would have done differently on this leg:

* Pack comfortable socks to pair with walking shoes
* Never underestimate the weather change during the Fall/Winter (always wear layers of clothing to include a jacket)
* Always purchase tickets for the bus/train station (This is not NYC folks) mess around and get a 50Euro fine - that's NOT hot!
* Purchase a real camera vs using my iPhone for pictures (my iPhone is also SE version, so not the best for taking pictures, obviously)

How To Moisturize Box Braids

Hola! Finally, a hair post! LOL. Yes, long overdue. I have actually had this queued up for a few weeks, but wanted to get some other information out to you.


First things first.

If your hair is permed straight or if your hair was in it's most natural state when you had your hair braided, then this method is for you. (stretched natural hair through the banding method is fine as well)

*** Do not use this method if you pressed your hair before you braided it or you braided it on an old press. Adding moisture directly to hair may cause frizzing and that is not hot ***

Here are the steps I use:

1. Spray Leave-in Conditioner directly on hair & gently spread leave in to the tips of box braids
2. Use a sealant oil and apply to braids from root to tip. ( sealant oils I generally use: jojoba oil, sweet almond oil or coconut oil)
3. Clip any frayed ends sticking out of braids
4. Completely cover braids with satin wrap overnight or after moisturizing to minimize frays.

*** In the event you did press your hair, you can moisturize your scalp by spritzing scalp lightly with the Liquid agent and then use the sealant oil that works best for you ***

I have low porosity hair, so I get a lot of build-up on my scalp, but I would rather have moisturized hair that do not break while I wear my box braided style than to have hair coming out in the wads (due to breakage and not normal shedding) when it's time for me to remove the braids. To clean your scalp, use a wet paper towel to wipe away build-up. You would want to do this a few hours after you moisturize your hair to allow for any additional residue to make it to your scalp. This will be done to reduce cleaning your scalp repeatedly during the moisturizing process.

A. Black Spray Bottle - 1/4 part vegetable glycerine, 3.4 water/ few drops of essential oil (rosemary is today;s choice)

B. Wild Growth Hair Oil - use for hair growth (not necessary part of moisturizing process, but what I also used this time around as well)

C. Black Castor Oil - or any carrier oil that moisturizes your natural hair well (I used the castor oil since I have braids.)

My hair/scalp after my moisturizing process. The base of the braids are still in tact and this was after 4 weeks of moisturizing every few days. These braids are out now, but the moisturizing definitely helped especially since I didn't wash the yaki hair before I used it and because the humidity was extremely low with the change of warm to cold weather.

Feel free to leave any questions or messages below. Thanks much! Muah & Ciao!

Intimacy in Marriage - Pillow Talk

‘Our pillow-talk is so different from what it used to be’, a married friend mentioned to my husband and I a couple weeks ago. I thought to myself, ‘Well, is it?’ Pillow-talk can be different for you depending on how you define it. One common way of defining pillow-talk is the whispering of sweet nothings to your significant other, typically in the bedroom or while lying down on a pillow and sharing close and/or intimate details about yourself in regards to sexual behaviors or thoughts. However, by my definition, pillow-talk is verbal communication where intimate details are shared. These details include sexual behaviors and the like yes, but it also includes details about your past, about your financial state, family relationships and anything else about who you are that you, under normal circumstances, would not share with most people. So, the question is asked, can you have pillow talk with an acquaintance? Absolutely. Would I recommend it? Absolutely not.

Pillow-talk builds and maintains intimacy. Creating intimacy of that nature in a purely sexual relationship creates blurred lines. But where is the fun in that you may say? As humans, we yearn to feel connected to one another and while sex may bring us physically close, it does not provide the warmth that emotional intimacy provides. 

In marriage, pillow-talk is so amazing. You get to learn more about your lover, friend, spouse, business partner all at once. My favorite pillow talk sessions comes over the weekend when there is no immediate rush to get out of bed and we can just linger a little while longer. It’s also difficult to be angry with your spouse and engage im pillow-talk. Pillow-talk can be playful which can increase spice in the marriage so I dare you to try it! And if you are already doing it, do not stop. You may be surprised at what you can learn about your partner or what you may learn about yourself!

Muah & Ciao! Follow my therapy IG@LWCOUNSELS

Naturalista Travels - Part 1

First off I'm back. It's been almost a week since I have been back and I had the most fantastic time traveling and enjoying my delayed yet well-deserved honeymoon. It's never too late to go on an adventure especially if you don't create debt while doing so! Yassss! (that's what the folks are saying these days right?)

Since this vacation low-key had 3 legs, I will split up the vacation posts into 3 parts. First off, we saved for this trip bit by bit mostly through rewards program from the Citi Bank card. We charged everything on that card. As much as possible. DO NOT SLEEP on CASH BACK cards. It will change your life! We charged groceries, gas, car maintenance and repairs, donations, etc. All of which we were a part of our budget so we were able to pay off these purchases, which resulted in cash back after paying off all the charges in full and collecting the cash back. We then transferred the cash back into our VACA share account. We will most likely discuss the financial piece in another series of post, but wanted to give you a general idea.


So our honeymoon began. I had made an itinerary before hand, which was super clutch! I included all the confirmations information, time of flights, confirmations codes of flights and train and so many other stuff because I was not sure how my phone would work in another country and how often I would have WiFi.

All went well once we were finally able to access the AirBnB - the confirmation information had not been sent prior to us leaving, so we had to run around the city to get WiFi so I could access it on my phone...really his phone because mine was dead. Thank goodness for Excel share docs and a shared email address. So while we got WiFi, we ate our first meal. These were the best falafels EVER in life by the way.

While this was supposedly my dream vaca, it was my dream vaca on a budget. We booked one AirBnB stay and don't judge me - I packed a box of pasta so we could make dinner that first night. Listen, find ways to cut costs if you can when traveling because traveling is expensive and the way my bank account is set up, we need to be on a budget as we have other responsibilities for our money. We needed matches to prepare our meal for the next day and the hunt began. Matches were less than $.25. It did not make sense to purchase items we did not need just to get matches. I prayed and prayed to find some change on the ground, lol. And I found plenty in a vending machine. Someone had purchased something and left their change in there. I found approx $8. Yes, God!

After being flustered that first night, we figured out most of the logistics as far as currency goes and nope, US currency was not accepted ANYWHERE!!!!! What a blow! But we used our credit card to have no transaction fees. Hallelu! Fees creep up. We knew before hand that our go-to Citi card had transaction fees of 3% for each transaction, so we rarely used that card. Bye-bye cash back. It just was not worth it to spend more of our hard-earned saved vacation money.

Things I would have done differently on this leg:

1. Verify AirBnB information and get it prior to traveling.
2. Exchange some currency before hand in order to avoid being met with minimum purchase requirements. (Maybe $100)
3. Because I'm semi OCD - packed my clothing in order based on days rather than just by outfits

* Pics throughout posts were taken during the 1st leg of the trip. A couple from one of the world's best Natural History Museums and a couple while walking through the city.

As usual, MuAh & CiAo for now. :-)

Step-Parenting for Dummies

Let’s face it. Step-parenting is the bane of your existence. I completely get it. I am still in the midst of experiencing the challenges and the joys of step-parenting.

Along with these challenges to being a step-parent, there are some good things. Let’s start with the good:

Your step-child (ren) has/have accepted you by TITLE as a step-parent. Hang on. I know where I am going with this. What this means is that your stepchild has identified you as the spouse of his/her biological parent. That is a huge step, but do not get carried away just yet thinking of what cool name your stepchild can call you. You get along with your step-child in surface conversations. The ,”Good morning! How did you sleep last night?”, “Tell me about your day at school.”, “Oh no, they served oatmeal for breakfast at camp! Next time, we’ll pack you breakfast.”, or “Great score! You are an excellent kicker!” Your step-child smiles and you think, yes! I’m a great step-parent!

Then the bad comes along:

You are left alone with your stepchild. You want to be cool. You want to be liked and not seem boring, but you also know you need to be firm and not get trampled on. Now, you have to carry out the infamous “rules of your home” without biological parent around to help things move smoothly. Talk about awkward.

But wait for it, here’s the ugly:

In the middle of your step-parenting one day, you give a directive to get something done and that thing is not completed. So, as any responsible parent would, you make an attempt to address it and soon find out that you are “…not my mom [dad]! You can’t tell me what to you!” Yes, there it is-The test. If you have not experienced this, then it’s either coming soon to a theater near you OR you are one of the few step-parents that are blessed with a stepchild who does not want to push your buttons and test your boundaries. Why does this happen? You may not be doing anything wrong. These interactions are going to be tough as this may be a testing phase.

There will be tests you may experience for years even and this may make your relationship touchy with your spouse. The best place to start is to have an open conversation with your spouse about your fears. Consider too that your stepchild is new to this as well and may have some fears. Discussing boundaries and consequences is a good place to start so people are aware of where things need to be and accountability can be taken. This is one of the first and very important steps in being a good step-parent. You may never be able to predict the course this parenting role will take but hold on tight because it is a long ride. Take a few deep breaths and get on board. It will be a life experience you will not forget.

Changes in Life of a Naturalista

Wow, so much has happened since my last "hair" post. What I've come to realize is that my life as a naturalista includes how I make a living and how the challenges of my work affects my life.

I have gone into full-time practice and I'm actually enjoying the process of building my practice. Who would have thought that I would be doing a little bit of business and helping others in the process. What I have found is that my wins and losses with my hair and the wins and losses within my niche practice all affect my life, so why not blog about it all. I do have a separate blog solely for therapy - but the posts I write there are the same posts I post here for ease of my current readers on LOFANaturalista and my new readers on my therapy blog.

All in all, I think this is the best move as it will keep me close to my love of writing and sharing about all things in my life. So yes, hair posts, skin posts, therapy posts - they are all a part of my life - the Life of a Naturalista.

I'm so happy to share! And as usual muah & ciao for now.

The Art of Listening

There are times we talk and after we have finished, we realize that what we said fell on deaf ears. Here’s the issue, you talk too much. I’m certain that got your attention.

Yes, we talk too much. What we have to say is very important information. Yet, it is difficult for us to effectively communicate our thoughts if we are unable to listen. To have a conversation is to have an exchange of thoughts – thoughts that are understood by all parties involved. Therefore, it is important to stretch the listening muscle.

Here are a few ways to stretch your listening muscle:

1.      Reflective listening – capture something from what the speaker is saying and repeat it.
2.      Ask questions – questions can be used to provide clarity on what the speaker is attempting to communicate
3.      Summarize – provide quick and succinct summaries of what the speaker is saying to show you are engaged and understood
4.      Body language – nod your head and demonstrate an “open posture” (uncross arms and legs) to show that you are open to what the speaker is saying

These skills can help improve conversations and it may even save you time. You can reduce repeating yourself, reduce time arguing with someone who may already agree with you and you may have an opportunity to learn from the other speaker. 

So ask yourself in the midst of your next argument, “What is being accomplished here? How can this discussion be more productive.” See how asking these questions turn out for you.

Is your relationship unhealthy?

Identifying an unhealthy relationship may not be too difficult. Perhaps, the fact that you are reading this article is because you question the healthiness of a current relationship. This relationship can be a friendship, it can be a relationship between you and a family member/child(ren) or perhaps this relationship is a romantic relationship between you and your significant other. Regardless of the type of relationship there are tell-tale signs that the relationship is unhealthy.

Do you feel upset (sad, angry) when you think about the relationship and the person?

               Do you constantly worry about your inability to appease the person in the relationship?

                               Does the person make you feel apologetic for things you may have said or done to them? Or are you punished/shunned after making a mistake?

Are you afraid to be yourself around the person?

Do you get nervous/anxious when you think about spending time with the person?

Is the person verbally, sexually, emotionally, physically or spiritually abusive towards you?

If you have said yes to any of these questions, you may be in an unhealthy relationship. If you have answered yes to more than one of these questions, you will need to work your way out of that relationship.

The truth is that sometimes we are attracted to unhealthy relationships because it is what we have come to know and feel comfortable being around…at least some part of us. However, we can recognize that this behavior, after seeing the appropriate way other people treat their loved ones, is not appropriate and that we are surrounded by unhealthy relationships.

Maybe you may be the abuser in the relationship? How do you tell? If you do any of the things in the above questions to other people who you know care about you, then you may be the abuser and/or the cause of an unhealthy relationship.

We tell ourselves that the behavior is going to change or we can change our behavior. In reality, we need help to do so. Stepping away from an abusive relationship is very challenging and can be very harmful if not done with support and assistance. You can get connected to a therapist in your local area for support. If that is too much of a commitment for you, then perhaps online therapy or tele-therapy is a better route. Visit my website to schedule an appointment: https://linneawillis.icouch.me/. Must reside/possess physical address in Maryland or West Virginia.

If you are in an abusive relationship and need help, please call:

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

1-800-787-3224v(TTY for Deaf/Hard of Hearing)

Or live chat Now by clicking on this link: The National Domestic Violence Hotline