Sensitivity in Motherhood

Ever notice the many Facebook posts of women being pregnant or parents, family and friends fawning over the birth of their child and think, “What a beautiful thing!”

People spend countless hours broadcasting and sharing pictures of their baby’s first step or their child’s first day at Kindergarten or even their child’s first pee wee league game. While these pictures and posts can be very endearing, it is disheartening for those parents who may have lost a child to SUIDs or unable to carry/bear a child on their own. Some have spent thousands of dollars on pregnancy and the health of their children and yes, for some there is success, but what about those who fail?

CDC reported approximately 3,500 sleep-related deaths among US babies each year and this is just for SUIDs.

This number does not include the fail pregnancies of mothers who are not able to carry their baby/babies to full term nor does it include how many of those SUIDs are of mothers who had had failed pregnancies before.

Then, there are woman who are struggling with unwanted pregnancies or women who may have been raped and become pregnant and find difficulty with deciding if abortion is an option for them. Consider the woman who have had children and for one reason or another became pregnant and is not enthused about this current pregnancy and have to live with child-rearing or starting over in raising a child. Many of these mothers and possible fathers suffer with depression relating to pregnancy or complications of pregnancy.

There have been so many women in my circle who have had complications during their pregnancy, depression during pregnancy, postpartum depression, failed IVF treatment, miscarriages, abortions, child loss and being barren. So, before posting all the glorious and wonderful things your child have done, consider your audience. Consider your wording to your post. Be attentive to what you say to others because you may not know their stories. You may not know their trials. While these very people can be extremely supportive of your motherhood, be mindful of the pain they may experience. A little empathy goes a long way.

How I Found My Husband

It’s interesting to think that there is something about the way we operate, our behaviors that lead to us finding the person we marry or the reason we have not found a partner. The known tale is that people marry a person that is very similar to their parents. After all, why not?

Our parents are who we come to know for most of our lives and even as adults when we have physically separated ourselves from them, we cannot help but to find a replacement of our parents in our spouse or in a roommate or in someone who is plays a significant role in our lives.

Well, in my Monday morning run today, it dawned on me that without even trying, most of the men I dated, who I do not think had a lot in common with one another then, had one thing in common.

THEY ALL DROVE MERCEDES BENZ!

 How uncanny is that? Does that mean that I was somehow attracted to the thing that led to their car purchase? That would be faulty logic in so many ways, I cannot begin to number them because it will take too much time.

I know a lot of single men and woman have a checklist. Let me start by saying that having a BENZ WAS NOT on my checklist. It just worked out that way. I then took on a mission of inquiring about my daters vehicles before going on a date with them.

Just when I thought I had broken my trend, I realized that the next few daters were ALL CANCERS! I mean seriously? Can I get a break here? What is it about cancer men that drew me in to them, I have no idea. Then I recall my first love was a cancer. Granted, I am not into astrology and things of that nature, but something has to be said about the similarities these men possessed that drew me in. And no, my parents are neither cancers nor did they drive a Benz. We grew up in a very poor and humbled home. One I would say I am happy to have experienced.

I decided to just let prayer and my life experience do the picking and not weed out men because they drive a Benz. How about my husband when I re-met him, drove a BENZ and is a CANCER. Go figure! In addition to that, he is a blend of my parents, definitely more like my father – they even laugh the same, it’s very strange. However, I could not be happier that my heart AND my head loves my imperfect husband in all his great and not so great ways. He no longer drives a Benz. He got rid of it well before we got married, but if he buys another one, I would not be mad about it either.

In all, the love you find, the spouse you find, the partner you find is made up of your experiences and traits that you are attracted to. If there is a type of woman or man that you keep dating, it is because it is the type of person you are attracted to deep down. Hopefully, this works out to be a good fit for you. 

ACV at work

In preparation for Thanksgiving, I took out my single braids and ACV'd my scalp. With the past dry weather, my scalp cracked so much and I waited too late to moisturize my braids. Do you ever moisturize your hair while wearing single braids or even kinky twists?

As a low porosity haired lady, I MUST moisturize. Yes, I use the full LCO method. (Of course if you use the LOC or LCOC method, then use that) especially if you have low porosity or even mixed porosity hair.

What I used for a quick scalp treatment was 1 cap full of ACV (Apple Cider Vinegar - the mother) and about 4 cap fulls of Tresamme conditioner. My conditioner has lasted for this long, yes. I parted my hair into sections (similarly to how you part your hair when doing a hot oil treatment), then I used a hair dye brush, similar to what is pictured below and applied it to my scalp. Keep in mind that ACV should ALWAYS be diluted. Please don't apply ACV directly to your scalp. :-/

After approx 20 minutes, I proceeded with my washday routine as usual, except I used clarifying shampoo as opposed to a cowash product. You do want to make sure that you have cleaned your scalp of the bacteria and other buildup lifted by the ACV conditioning treatment. If you have a bigger head aka more surface area, use more ACV and conditioner. Just try to keep in mind that you want approx. a ration of 1:4 ACV:Conditioner nor more than 1:2.

If ACV seems too strong for you, try something else on the similar level of pH like lemon juice. I use lemon juice for other conditioning mixtures and even lemon oil in moisturizing cream and beard oil I made for hubs. ACV does have an odor, but after washing all that stuff, you can barely even tell you used ACV int he first place AND your scalp is nice and clean.

Let me know if you have any questions or concerns. I'm open for feedback.

MuAh & CiAo!

Clean Your Scalp

As a low porosity hair lady, I know that I have to deal with product buildup over time. With the addition of working out 4 times weekly, I definitely need to be certain that my scalp is cleansed (outside of using a sulfate-free shampoo) at least once monthly.

My tried and true scalp cleanser is a mixture of conditioner and ACV (Apple Cidar Vinegar). I prefer to use the mother as well just because it's more natural.

I have a small head so I did not use much of my mixture. A rule of thumb for this cleanser is 3 parts conditioner, 1 part ACV. I used approx 1/2 cup of conditioner and approx 2-3 tbsp of ACV. Next, I covered with a plastic cap and sat under my diffuser for approx 7-10 minutes. Then, I waited another 30 minutes before rinsing the mixture out.

I did another rinse yesterday as well, but I'll further discuss that in a later post. I have been using this method for over 5 yrs and have always found it to be helpful to gently removing product buildup. You never want to put ACV directly on your scalp or anywhere on or in your body without diluting in some form. There are sooo many benefits to ACV. I'm sure I've discussed those before in a previous post, but if you would  like me to share it again, I can. :-)

Thanks for reading! MuAh & CiAo! IG: lofanaturalista

Guess Who's Back in 2017, this curly haired chick!

Originally posted: 9/28/2017

So worst mistake in my hair life! Well, top 10 at least. I combed out my dry hair this morning mid curl pattern, kinky and stuff. So much of my hair came out. It was such a disaster, but how do you pull your hair into a high ponytail after taking down an updo style? I guess you just don't. I should not have. Was it worth it...NOPE! Except my high ponytail was super cute!

Yesterday was wash day...really Sunday was wash day, but I was too busy to get around to doing my hair so I put it off for one day. Ask me what I did to my old twist out hair the night before if you are interested in hearing more.

Right, so wash day is here, but then I was reminded that I workout every morning now. How is my hair going to stand up against the major sweating my scalp does in my quick 30 minutes morning workouts? I used to style my hair in individual twists and pin those up, but hubs don't care for that much and small twists was just done last week. (Every now and then I need to switch it up) So I opted for a few two-strand braid twists. I can throw in some earrings and beat my face (which I did not as pictured) and still look professional for work.

Here's my quick workout routine do:

1. Wash hair/Condition Hair (maybe i'll do a video on this if you need a quick routine for 3c/4a hair)
2. Moisturize hair (still use the LCO method - hasn't failed me yet!)
3. Separate hair into braid sections
4. Two strand braid hair
5. Tie down hair with hair wrap AND put bonnet on top of it (my hair was still wet/damp)
6. Use handkerchief to tie down hair during workout
7. Shower with handkerchief and shower cap
8. Remove shower cap and handkerchief after getting dressed (especially if you have a top or dress you need to put over your hair - don't want to mess up the braids)

I do need to show the other styles I do. I am not certain how long this style will work and look neat enough to go to work in, but I'll take pictures every workout day this week and keep you posted.

Thank you for reading! MuAh & CiAo!

UPDATE ALERT 10/2/2017: So, I worked out only two other times and my hair looked just about the same. HOWEVER, you would think that because my hair is in two-strand twists that my hair would yield a nice curly fro, right? NOPE, that did not occur. I found that my hair actually felt dry-ish (for inability of moisturizing throughout the week)

But really, who wants to do the LCO method on semi damp hair 1-2x's daily. And I sweat heavily throughout the day, so I would rather it just stay "cutish"/"professionalish" looking all week, with some pearls and a beat face and call it a week. Perhaps, if I dried my hair before two-strand braiding my hair as opposed to styling it right after a fresh wash would have made the difference in yielding a pretty sweet curly fro. Ah well. Can't win em all.

Overall gym week hairdo: THUMB'S UP !

Best Hair Products for My 3c/4a Low Porosity Hair/Scalp

Here I am at the crack of dawn trying to find a NEW and improved and cost effective conditioning product. I'm familiar with many conditioners/cowash products/leave-ins and have a pretty effective system going, BUT when I finish my products, I always like to review and revise. You know...see what else is out there that I may be missing.

Today's product try is Tressame Conditioner for $6 at Walmart - We'll see what happens here.

Tried and true products for my hair from start to finish are:

Pre-Poo - Self-made products (black/green tea rinses; onion juice treatment, hot oil treatments, ACV treatments and the list goes on and on for what I use to pre-poo) - I prepoo based on need of my hair but at least 1x/month

Carol's Daughter Sulfate-Free shampoo (Mirabelle Plum) - 2x's/month generally - Approx $10 @ Walmart

Shea Moisture's Conditioner - with every 7-10 days wash - Approx $11-12 @ Walmart

As I Am Coconut Cowash - 2x's/month generally - Approx $8 at Walmart

As I Am Leave-In Conditioner Approx $10/Walmart OR Shea Moisture's Curl Enhancing Smoothie 12oz. $12 as the conditioner in my LCO method - used 4x/s month generally but with EVERY WASH OR COWASH

I ran out of my Shea Moisture conditioner approx 1-2 months ago, but I reallllllly need a conditioner, so here I am trying something new. I checked the ingredients of Tressame and all looks well. In the past, I have used Pantene ProV for Black women and found it to be great, but I have not used that product in over 7 yrs. so I can't attest to it's greatness now.

I will let you know how the Tresamme works. If you have any other great product suggestions for my 3c/4a Low porosity hair, please send me a message! Otherwise, MuAh & CiAo!

Twist Out or NOT to Twist Out...that is the question

In a previous post I mentioned dew point. I've written about this before, but this is such an important thing to note when wearing your hair out. Lots of women are doing wash and gos. But for those of us who experience severe shrinkage and actually do enjoy wearing a full natural fro, wash and gos don't quite work for us, so we use twist outs or braid outs.

I have a mixture of 3c/4a hair...my kitchen (hair at the nape of my neck) is actually quite fine and even around the edges of my hairline. My curl pattern there is much looser and thus is reflective of a 4a curl pattern.

In this picture, you can see that my hair looks more wavy but with my hair wet, it is a very loose curl pattern. Now, as you get closer to the center of my head, my hair becomes more coarse and the curls become tighter thus more reflective of 4a hair. It is somewhat annoying to have this variety of curl patterns because how i de-tangle my hair changes the tighter my curls becomes. We know the tighter the curls, the more gentle you must be with the de-tangling process.

So quick facts about dew point:

1. The more moisture exists in the air, the more moisture your hair will retain and less moisturizing products you may need. (humectants)
2. The fine line for perfect dew point for your hair is determined by your hair porosity and your hair type.
3. The lower your porosity, the more moisture your hair will need and your hair can tolerate a higher dew point.
4. Perfect dew point for my curly hair look is typically between 50-60. I have low to normal porosity. If I want to wear my hair straight/pressed, my hair needs less moisture and thus 40-45 dew point is great. ( I press my hair more in the winter because the dew point is typically low, but for a pressed style, I do not need much moisture

N (humectant use) = Hair style/Hair Type (straight/pressed, wavy or curly) + hair porosity (low, normal, high) +dew point.

THIS SOLVES PERFECT HAIR

Conclusion: Regardless of the weather outside, it is truly in fact the dew point that affects your twists out (keep in mind this changes depending on what moisture level your hair starts - so a wash n go where there is a lot of moisture, your hair may be less affected by there being more moisture in the air - if your hair is fully dried, too much moisture will lead to puffy twists outs aka less defined twist outs) Dew point above 60 typically creates this soggy feel to my hair for me as I generally keep my hair very moisturized.

To check the dew point for today, check out your local weather channel. OR use this link daily. Don't take this too lightly as too much moisture leads to extremely soft and frumpy hair and not enough moisture leads to breakage/splitting of hair strands and brittle hair.

If dew point is too high or too low, protect your hair on the fly with a nice wrap, scarf, single twist style or a wig. Trust me, your hair and scalp will thank you later. MuAh & CiAo!

Faux Locs Look

Yassss! Took me a week to get it all done, due to my busy schedule, but I was able to put faux locs in my hair.

Steps to Faux Locs
1. Decide size of locs
2. Purchase Marley Hair/Havana Hair - I used Marley for a real loc look
3. Twist hair with one piece of Marley hair (or more depending on how thick you want your locs)
* I would suggest completing the twists in hair first if you do not have a full day to complete locs
4. Lay about 1-2 inches of hair against the twist and with the remaining strand, wrap the hair around the twist and the hair that is laid against the twist.
5. Continue until you have reached the end of the twist
6. Wrap the piece of Marley hair back up and around the twist and secure the end with nail glue, hair glue or eyelash glue. (either should work)
7. Hold that hair in place until the glue has taken

Things to Note:

A. You want to twist your hair longer than the length of your hair so that you can remove the loc by cutting the end of the loc without having to cut any of your hair

B. Applying the twists took approx 2 hours

C. Each loc took approx 1 minute-2 minutes tops to complete

There are many videos you can use to help you with this method of applying faux locs, but I wanted explain it as some people learn better by reading a process.

You can style your hair as you would regular braids depending on the length you make them. I did not want really long loc and I did not make them too thin. I did want to see how locs would look because I continue to toy with the idea of growing locs of my own. I'll share more on that, but please let me know if you have any questions. I am happy to share! MuAh & CiAo!

WIG UNIT PURCHASED

Great! I'm at this point where I have my purchased unit and I'm loving it. I went to try on various wigs...I made approx 3 visits before I selected a choice. Most of the wigs I tried on are not shown below. The wig selected was VERY COSTLY according to me, but I spent my coins anyway - approx $230. The wig was also cut for me, so I didn't need to deal with cutting the wig at home.

Here is the first option I tried and loved. It's very similar to the way I style my hair when it is pressed and when my hair was much longer, although my hair was 2B (Black in color and not this 2B with highlights you see going on here) It also was 25% of the cost of the one I actually purchased, but boo said he hated it when he saw my picture. Ah well.

 Here is just another lace-front option I tried because it looked really natural, but it highlighted my over-sized forehead. Was NOT a fan of that at all! However, I would recommend this wig if you have a normal hair line. It was approx $100.

So i settled on the really curly weave because it is also virgin hair and 100% human hair and I do want my unit to last me years to come. I keep the box and the net it came in. I wore it before I washed it purposefully to work the kinks out of the hair and the unit. I washed it recently and I may have worn it once since. I'm still working on making the part I created realistic, but it was to be worn the way the previous lace front wig is shown.

I have more to share, but this post is getting long. Will keep you updated for sure though. MuAh & CiAo. Follow me on IG: lofanaturalista and Facebook: Livlyhood Naturalista

MY JOURNEY TO PURCHASING A WIG/UNIT

Months ago....The time has come where I am just one person and Rome cannot be built in a day - so in recognizing that the weather is changing, I MUST take care of my hair. It has to be protected. Yes, I can throw in braids, and then what? I need something I can consistently use when I know the dew point won't allow for a great twist out. Dew point, you ask? Well, it's the level of moisture in the air and we all know that moisture in the air is what truly determines the state of your hair across the various seasons.

So, I need a wig. I'm looked hi and lo, so if you know of anyone that sells/makes great and realistic looking wigs, PLEASE email me or respond to this post. I will absolutely write a review of my findings and continued search if I happen to not be satisfied with initial findings.

Google search is the best place to start and friends who either currently wear wig units or have begun a search of their own. Google showed me this website. Click here to go to BestLaceWigs Website. I also found this website to access AprilLaceWigs. This website shows videos with reviews of alot of the wigs I clicked on. Here are some options from AprilLaceWigs:

I'm sure you are beginning to notice a trend. Lace front wigs! Apparently, these wigs are the most natural looking wigs and are easiest to blend with your hair/hairline and catch this - WITHOUT having to leave any of your hair out! That's pretty much what sold it for me. Having to press a few pieces of my hair and keep them pressed in bad weather or bad dew points (which is the SOLE purpose of getting a unit to begin with) is too much, plus the heat damage on those pieces aren't so easily forgiven when I return to my natural do's.

Well in light of this post being the length of a short story, I will stop here, but will continue to share my findings and hopefully my soon purchase! MuAh & CiAo! Get excited y'all! MY hair is gonna be protected! LOL

Happy New Year!

Where has the time gone? I find blogging during the holidays to be extremely tough. If you keep up with me on Instagram, you would have seen a few pictures here or there. But let me catch you up on this wonderful thing called life.

Guess what? I got a wig!!!!!! Yayy! Cost me an arm and a leg of my lil separate money  (which is now diminished thanks to the holidays) but I do love it. I wore it a few times thus far and let me tell you, it has made my life so sweet considering the cold weather and the dangers this cold brings to my hair.

But then, not only did I purchase a wig, I also pressed my hair. AND it came out flawlessly AND it lasted for weeks on weeks on weeks. lol I just wanted to type that, but it really did last for weeks. (Don't judge me for my crop jobs of these pics - I will share more in detailed blogs to come.)

And now, after having a freshly washed head, I'm glad to be back in the land of single twist and twist-outs. I used this AMAZING OIL conditioning treatment that has my hair smelling like INSERT FAVORITE SMELL HERE. I mean this treatment was a weird orange-ish color, but the smell was divine and I skipped the wash after the treatment so my hair could maintain the yummy-ness of that smell. Instead, I went straight to conditioning and then a quick rinse in lukewarm to then cold water. OH my scalp needed that!

I actually got this product as a sample from a Natural Hair Convention I attended a few years ago in Baltimore, MD. I knew I had a couple natural hair samples left, so I decided to search my hair goodie baskets to see what I could find and there it was... the African Heating Oil by Taliah Waajid. I've spoken about their other products in past posts (years ago that is.) The Curly Curl Cream is one of my favorites from this product line, but this bottled oil goodness makes me want to purchase an entire 7oz. bottle. Once I see how it works with my hair over the course of a week and before my next wash, I will make a final decision. But so far, so good. (More deets to come!)

There is so much to share about my hair care not only for the Winter, but just over the holiday season. Of course, mistakes made are definitely something to share as well. Heating tools will all be in the mix with my upcoming posst. I can't wait to share more with you.

Bisou, bisou, bisou. aka Muah & Ciao!

Don't forget to Follow Me +Lofanaturalista  on IG lofanaturalista and my Facebook Page: Livlyhood Naturalista!

Winter is HERE!

Now that the weather has taken a turn for the cold, I had to do something fast to protect my hair. I've tried crochet braids before, but I had no idea, at the time, the undertaking it would be. I'm not even certain if I posted the results of it, but I will add a pic if I can find one:

I am currently rocking crochet braids with Marley hair. Here are the important facts:

1. Purchase hair that is manageable, soft and can blend as your own hair. I had leftover hair from another pack and then I purchased more hair (approx 2pks. of hair worked well for my size head and the thickness I wanted - if you want more thickness, use more hair)

2. If your hair has a color, be sure to either purchase hair with that color or make the hair crocheted in thick enough to cover those colored pieces

3. Braid Hair with some marley hair (to protect hair strands from knots and pulls while crocheting)

4. Crochet hair in and style!

My hair was styled with curling rods and then dipped in hot water to retain curl. I rocked my crocheted curls for Thanksgiving and work and then decided to comb the hair out (very easy to do!)

Tip: Be sure to hold near the root of the hair to avoid pulling on your own hair in the braid - comb out in sections similarly to how you would comb out your very own natural hair

Once my hair was combed out, I styled it in two Grecian braids. Simple styles are awesome especially when it's a protected style. My home girl...and her hubs  (Teamwork makes the dreamwork!) did my hair. Wash day is coming soon though, so I will have to remove crochet hair so I can wash...what's next? who knows, but stay tuned for me. XOXO MuAh & CiAo!

LATE POST - Public Restrooms

As a professional busy with life, there are instances where public restrooms may be needed. In case you missed this public service announcement, WASH YOUR HANDS!

I attended this training in PA recently and in between the farts and flushes, I noticed a couple people leave without washing their hands. So, if I don't shake your hand ma'am, I am well within my rights to do so. You are probably a cool person but the OCD in me, WILL NOT TOUCH YOU...or eat food from you...

And that's another thing! Potlucks at work are cool, but do we really know the state of your home or your process to prepping food. I know food prep is also different across cultures to, but sliding chicken out the package with no kinds of cleaning and prep, or using soap to wash meat ( pls don't do this folks; why is this a thing?!) concerns me.

But that is all for my soap box today. Back to my wig unit and shedding research. MuAh & CiAo! Follow me on Instagram at @Lofanaturalista And Google Plus at +Lofanaturalista 

The Science of Hair Shedding - Part 2

We started with the following myths:

I did my research - from Pinterest and other bloggers to actual scientific articles (you know people who have actually studied hair loss for a living)

My findings were vast, but in a snapshot, these were my findings:

1. Hair does typically shed 50-100 strands a day! Myth was right

2. Hair loss is different than shedding. Things like:

• Hairstyles that pull on your hair ( which may be why I had so much loss - because my hair was not split or broken off in that sense, these hair strands were long hair strands)
• Pulling out hair (yes, people do this for various reasons, but it happens)
• Harsh chemical products on hair (hair color can lead to hair loss, not necessarily hair shedding) - so Myth has been somewhat debunked, I would say.

3. Shedding can be caused by several different reasons to include the following

• Stress ( Divorce, loss of family member, loss of job, etc.)
• Medical treatment (Chemotherapy, Radiation)
• High Fever, Recovering from an illness
• Giving Birth (approx. 2-4 months shedding really becomes evident)
• Weight Loss of approx. 20lbs or more

3. Therefore, if protective styles like braids, etc. pull on the hair strand, shedding will exist and/or break - Myth was right

Not to necessarily tie these two blog topics together, but in my search for wigs/hair units, I'm becoming more aware of how a unit can affect one's edges especially if hair is left out. There is breaking and shedding even in the area where the wig combs are being fastened at the nape of the neck and the edges by the ear, etc.

Mind your edges ladies! And hopefully within the next few weeks I can decrease my hair shedding. I actually have found ways to decrease shedding and I'm trying it out; Though I think I may be experiencing hair loss and not shedding - so stay tuned for that post to come as well as debunking the other myths shown above.

Until then, live on purpose! MuAh & CiAo! Follow me +Lofanaturalista & IG: lofanaturalista

TOP 10 FEELINGS OF SATISFACTION

There are things that feel sooooo good, it's hard to describe because amazing isn't good enough...or saying that the release or relief found or achieved just isn't a good description. If you have a better way to describe these feelings, do share. Inquiring minds would love to know.

So, in no particular order, here they are:

1. Water after being parched

2. Taking off your wig/Or taking out some hair pins or braids

3. Using the restroom after you have been holding it in for an EXTREMELY long time- oh the joy of release!

4. Floating in a pool or an ocean

5. Taking off heels after a long day at the office/ Taking off your bra after wearing it all day. (for women only...or not- I don't judge)

6. Cuddling up in warm blankets on a cold day

7. Eating after fasting or when famished

8. Eating Cold Stone Ice cream (This is for me only- forget y'all! i love it, HMPH!)

9. An orgasm

10. Getting your hair washed/ or getting a massage or facial

I honestly exhaled dramatically just imagining doing any of these things above. I got a facial today and it was SOOO relaxing. Thank you to the ladies at Oasis Spa in Columbia, MD. I feel so great now! (Although she called me low maintenance because I had not had a facial in 3 yrs - lol, but don't judge me) I use home remedies for my face or my girlfriend's facial scrub - But that's another blog post.

Oh! Speaking of wigs, I'm in the process of searching for a wig. I'm at the final stages, but I will most definitely share in a later post my reason for the search and what I have been able to find. Of course if you have any suggestions, please let me know!

Follow me +Lofanaturalista on Google Plus and @lofanaturalista on Insta

MuAh & CiAo!