Step-Parenting for Dummies

Let’s face it. Step-parenting is the bane of your existence. I completely get it. I am still in the midst of experiencing the challenges and the joys of step-parenting.

Along with these challenges to being a step-parent, there are some good things. Let’s start with the good:

Your step-child (ren) has/have accepted you by TITLE as a step-parent. Hang on. I know where I am going with this. What this means is that your stepchild has identified you as the spouse of his/her biological parent. That is a huge step, but do not get carried away just yet thinking of what cool name your stepchild can call you. You get along with your step-child in surface conversations. The ,”Good morning! How did you sleep last night?”, “Tell me about your day at school.”, “Oh no, they served oatmeal for breakfast at camp! Next time, we’ll pack you breakfast.”, or “Great score! You are an excellent kicker!” Your step-child smiles and you think, yes! I’m a great step-parent!

Then the bad comes along:

You are left alone with your stepchild. You want to be cool. You want to be liked and not seem boring, but you also know you need to be firm and not get trampled on. Now, you have to carry out the infamous “rules of your home” without biological parent around to help things move smoothly. Talk about awkward.

But wait for it, here’s the ugly:

In the middle of your step-parenting one day, you give a directive to get something done and that thing is not completed. So, as any responsible parent would, you make an attempt to address it and soon find out that you are “…not my mom [dad]! You can’t tell me what to you!” Yes, there it is-The test. If you have not experienced this, then it’s either coming soon to a theater near you OR you are one of the few step-parents that are blessed with a stepchild who does not want to push your buttons and test your boundaries. Why does this happen? You may not be doing anything wrong. These interactions are going to be tough as this may be a testing phase.

There will be tests you may experience for years even and this may make your relationship touchy with your spouse. The best place to start is to have an open conversation with your spouse about your fears. Consider too that your stepchild is new to this as well and may have some fears. Discussing boundaries and consequences is a good place to start so people are aware of where things need to be and accountability can be taken. This is one of the first and very important steps in being a good step-parent. You may never be able to predict the course this parenting role will take but hold on tight because it is a long ride. Take a few deep breaths and get on board. It will be a life experience you will not forget.