Intimacy in Marriage - Affection

‘Why don’t you guys get a room?!’ That’s a very typical cliche said to new lovers who cannot keep their hands off one another. But how sweet is it to yearn after someone that much that even others can see the deepness of your love. Affection can be tough to define and explain in a marriage. Affection can be shown as PDA (public displays of affection) through touching, kissing and hugging while in public. Others show affection in privacy through the same means. After being married for some time, affection can become less frequent but this is a mistake too often made. Lack of affection can lead to insecurities in the marriage, opens the door for affection to be given and received by people outside of the marriage and it can lead to physical distance in the home. In order to maintain this part of intimacy in your marriage, it is important to remember these (3) three things:

1.   Understand what type of affection your partner needs and wants in your marriage

2.   Make an effort to meet at the very least your partner’s affection needs

3.   Purposefully avoid the affection of others especially during moments when you are more vulnerable.

In my couples therapy sessions, I find it important to emphasize that no one will respect and honor your marriage more than you. You cannot expect people to see your ring or know that you are married and not make an attempt to interrupt the marriage. This is not to say that you cannot interact with anyone else besides your partner. That would not be healthy. However, the issue is to recognize that your marriage is important and it will be tested so be prepared for the tests to come. It’s not a matter of if your marriage will be tested. It’s a matter of when. Being affectionate in your marriage not only helps to ward off other people from infiltrating your marriage but affection helps in building true intimacy.

For Couples Check-Up sessions, email me at lpcounselingsvcs@gmail.com and visit my website at www.lpctservices.com for information on pre-engagement counseling, pre-marital counseling and marriage counseling.

Mrs. Linnea’ Willis, LCPC, LPC